Complete Fiction
Before I begin this post I would like to say that it is complete fiction.
This does not happen. If it did, and I was actually doing it, I don't know anything about it.
Thank you.
I'm a high end shoplifter. I steal from major supermarkets and - when I'm drunk - Seven Elevens. The information that I have gathered from both my reliable and unreliable sources is that these joints are pretty much covered for this kind of anti-social behaviour. Essentially, as far as I can tell, all stealing makes me makes me is a statistic.
What I'm saying in a roundabout kind of way is that I have justified my minor ... um ... well, it's a misdemeanor I suppose, but I might even say that I'm a little proud of myself.
Don't get caught. I hear you offer in a, dare I say, slightly too parental tone. That tone that will have you saying, 'I told you so', if I do ever feel that hand on my shoulder.
I won't get caught.
My craft is a simple one.
I simply hold it in my hand. I offload my legitimate purchases on to the conveyor belt or alike whilst always carrying the hot item right in front of them. Because it's right in front of the cashier's eyes they presume I bought it somewhere else, and if they have the courage to ask me if I bought it at their shop, then I apologise and pay for it.
'I am an idiot.' Then casually I laugh. 'I am so tired.'
They too are tired and they empathise with me.
Do you see why this is flawless if you can handle the heat?
Here's some shit I've got for free this month:
Berocca $7.45 (Coles)
Goat's Cheese $9.95! (Harris Farm)
Caviar $4.35 (Sydney Fish Markets)
Creme Fraiche $5.75 (Coles)
White Costello $7.45 (Woolworths)
Starburst $0.99 (Seven Eleven)
Give it a go. But don't panic and stick it in your pocket.
Hold it in front of them, look them in the eyes, and dare them to mention it.
This does not happen. If it did, and I was actually doing it, I don't know anything about it.
Thank you.
I'm a high end shoplifter. I steal from major supermarkets and - when I'm drunk - Seven Elevens. The information that I have gathered from both my reliable and unreliable sources is that these joints are pretty much covered for this kind of anti-social behaviour. Essentially, as far as I can tell, all stealing makes me makes me is a statistic.
What I'm saying in a roundabout kind of way is that I have justified my minor ... um ... well, it's a misdemeanor I suppose, but I might even say that I'm a little proud of myself.
Don't get caught. I hear you offer in a, dare I say, slightly too parental tone. That tone that will have you saying, 'I told you so', if I do ever feel that hand on my shoulder.
I won't get caught.
My craft is a simple one.
I simply hold it in my hand. I offload my legitimate purchases on to the conveyor belt or alike whilst always carrying the hot item right in front of them. Because it's right in front of the cashier's eyes they presume I bought it somewhere else, and if they have the courage to ask me if I bought it at their shop, then I apologise and pay for it.
'I am an idiot.' Then casually I laugh. 'I am so tired.'
They too are tired and they empathise with me.
Do you see why this is flawless if you can handle the heat?
Here's some shit I've got for free this month:
Berocca $7.45 (Coles)
Goat's Cheese $9.95! (Harris Farm)
Caviar $4.35 (Sydney Fish Markets)
Creme Fraiche $5.75 (Coles)
White Costello $7.45 (Woolworths)
Starburst $0.99 (Seven Eleven)
Give it a go. But don't panic and stick it in your pocket.
Hold it in front of them, look them in the eyes, and dare them to mention it.
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